Trapped in a web of pain and Suffering 24/7

Looking back to 1958 when I was 16 – I wish I could have seen what pain and misery lay ahead, I would have done anything to avoid that fight in which I was flipped up in the air and landed on my spine. It was the birth of a lifetime of severe chronic pain beginning with my lower back, which I’ve had to live with ever since. I won the battle, but lost the war, and had to wear a plaster cast from my neck down to my hip for a few months.

Years later, I started having bouts of fracturing ribs and crushing vertebrae, and was diagnosed with Osteoporosis at age 36. For a few years I was having excruciating pain from kidney stones, with trips to the hospital. A recent ultrasound showed my kidneys are still loaded with stones. For many years I suffered with migraine headaches, the pain would become so intense I wanted to smash my head against the wall or die! I finally found the last of several triggers (Tylenol), what a blessing.

I was now 48 and loved my trade and the company I worked for, but the time came when I had to do one of the hardest things in my life; retire on full disability from a job that was more like a hobby that I loved, than work.

I had major stomach and intestine surgery in 2001 and spent five very painful weeks in the hospital. After leaving the hospital I noticed my muscles were atrophying and have continued to do so. Now, because there is so little muscle left to protect my nerves from the pressure put on them when I sit, stand or lie down, the pain becomes unbearably intense. These and other bony areas are at great risk of getting pressure sores.

It’s now 2010 and I’m in my 68th year. I thought the year couldn’t possibly bring greater pain and suffering, but I was mistaken! My skin started burning like someone had thrown gas over much of my body and put a match to it. The pain is excruciating, with no known cure. Even with being on a strong narcotic and other medications, it doesn’t help the intense nerve pain from sitting, etc, not to mention spin-off problems like water retention and severe chronic constipation.

The purpose of sharing my trials with you is:

1. To share how I am able to bear my trials, because painful as they are, suicide is not an option!
2. To let you know that I can relate to those of you who are going through painful trails which are as real to you as mine are to me.

On the Road to finding Real Hope

It was 1960 and after spending the night at various house parties, I was nursing down a 26 oz. Bottle of rum in the back seat of a friend’s car. All of a sudden a feeling of overwhelming disgust came over me. I said goodnight to my friends, went into the house and lay on my bed wondering what I was doing with my life, and what would happen to me when I die.

This event started me in a new direction. I knew very little about God and Jesus except as cuss words, or what a Christian was, but I prayed a simple prayer asking God to help me stop drinking and to help me make new friends who enjoyed life without alcohol. As time went by it became evident He was at work in my life. For instance, without even trying He had taken away the filthy gutter-speaking mouth that I had had for years. He answered my prayer to stop; drinking, and alcohol free friends started coming into my life.

Then a new challenge confronted me, I got infectious hepatitis from a septic tank that overflowed and I nearly died. I spent seven weeks in the hospital isolation unit and another four months recovering at home. Something wonderful happened though, I met a nurse who became my precious wife two years later (1966). I thank God every day for His goodness and mercy to us; we are still sweethearts (2010). I never had the blessing of growing up in a Christian home, but in the early years of courting my wife, I learned much through her, her family, and reading and studying the Bible, what it means to be a Bible-believing Christian. It wasn’t hard to understand I was a sinner.

“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23. “It is appointed unto men [mankind] once to die, but after this the judgment.” Hebrews 9:27. We try to justify ourselves, but Jesus said, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand [near]: Repent Ye, and believe the Gospel [the teachings of Jesus and the apostles]. Mark 1:15

Repentance is not only being truly sorry and feeling remorse for our sinful life, but it is to hate sin and turn away from it, making a complete change to the basic motivation and direction of our life, and to accept our total dependence on God and His mercy.

No Greater Love

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son [Jesus], that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”John 3:16. “For He [God] has made Him [Jesus] to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him [Jesus].” 2 Corinthians 5:21. “Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none [no] other name [than Jesus Christ] under heaven given among men, whereby ye [you] must be saved.” Acts 4:12. “For BY GRACE are ye [you] saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD; NOT OF WORKS, lest [for fear that] any man should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9.

Grace is God’s undeserved mercy and love for sinful man, revealed and made effective in Jesus Christ.

Comfort and Hope in Jesus Christ

“If thou [you] shall confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shall believe in thine [your] heart that God hath [has] raised Him from the dead, THOU SHALL BE SAVED.” Romans 10:19. “Therefore if any man [person] be in Christ, he is a new creature [creation]: old things are passed away; BEHOLD ALL THINGS ARE BECOME NEW.”

2 Corinthians 5:17. “Now The God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, THAT YE MAY ABOUND IN HOPE, through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Something became very clear to me. If I had waited to clean my life up first in order to come to Jesus, I would still be lost and one heartbeat away from being in the torment of everlasting hell. Asking Jesus to come into my life and be my personal Saviour and Lord was the greatest privilege and blessing of my life.

What do I do …

When faced with another day of pain and suffering that tries to push me into despair?

I start by doing what helps me the most – going to my Heavenly Father (God) in prayer, with praise and thanksgiving. I thank Him for His love, mercy and grace for me in sacrificing His only begotten Son (Jesus Christ) on Calvary’s Cross to make atonement for all my sins. And redeeming me unto Himself.

Atonement is God’s justice satisfied in all that Jesus accomplished on the cross for me as a believer in Jesus my Saviour and Lord.

Thank you Jesus for having taken upon yourself all the sins I’ve ever committed, or ever will commit, and for bearing the full wrath [anger] of God upon yourself to pay my sin’s debt in full. Thank you for having borne the shame and enduring all the excruciating pain and suffering by being scourged [flogged], mocked, ridiculed, battered, spin on, and then being nailed through your hands and your feet to Calvary’s Cross, and hanging by those nails hour after hour, for me an undeserving sinner who was headed for eternal torment in hell! I pray like this because I never want to forget what the forgiveness of my sin’s debt cost my precious Saviour and Lord, and to remind myself that He understands all about my pain and suffering, and the feelings and emotions that it brings out.

The following verses, along with many others are a great encouragement and comfort to me. “Trust in the Lord with all thine [your] heart; and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”Proverbs 3:5-6

“I [God] WILL NEVER LEAVE THEE [YOU], NOR FORSAKE THEE.” Hebrews 13:5b

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our tribulation [pain and suffering of mind or body], that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 See also: Romans 8: 18, 38-39; Philippians 4:7; 2 Timothy 1:7, 3: 16-17; Psalm 27: 14,46: 1; Isaiah 41: 10; James 1.

I’m thankful for all who support me in prayer. I’m also thankful for the medical people who help in a variety of ways towards easing my pain and suffering.

In the Believers’ Future Life

I’m greatly comforted to know that one day my pain and suffering will come to an end, and I’ll be called to my eternal home to be with my Saviour in Heaven, with all my brothers and sisters in Christ where: “God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: FOR THE FORMER THINGS ARE PASSED AWAY. And He that sat upon the throne said,
“BEHOLD, I MAKE ALL THINGS NEW.” Revelation 21:4-5a

It’s comforting to be able to go to my Heavenly Father in prayer, and to read and study what He has to say to me in the Holy Bible. “These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; “THAT YE MAY KNOW THAT YE HAVE ETERNAL LIFE, AND THAT YE MAY BELIEVE ON THE NAME OF THE SON OF GOD.” 1John 5:13

Dear Reader, it is my prayer, that you too, will enter the kingdom of God through the only One who can save you and give you new life –

“THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, WHO IS OUR HOPE.” 1 Timothy 1:1b

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